Tired.

These are my raw feelings, I didn't sugar coat a single thing. Total honesty for you to read. You've been warned.

I am tired.

I am tired of the looks. 

I am tired of the comments (for example: "it's a shame she gained all that weight") made behind my back that I know are said because I've heard them said about others.

I am tired of not feeling comfortable in anything I wear. 

I am tired of not keeping up. 

I am tired of thin girls complaining about their bodies right in front of me. 

I am tired of the fact that I am 18 and I've never been kissed, let alone asked out in any way. 

I am tired of looking back at photos when I was 70 pounds lighter, knowing I still had body image issues even back then.

 

I am tired of the constant rollarcoaster of dieting.

I am tired of people being able to see what I struggle with most the instant they meet me.

I am tired of trying and failing over and over again.

I am tired of people telling me it's as simple as 1 2 3. They are not me, and do not know my struggle. 

I am tired of being embarresed by my own body.

I am tired of the "if only"s.

I am tired of asking God for help in this sitsuation and getting silence in return.

I am tired of being fat.